here has always been bad blood between gnomes and goblins. However, as a journalist, I shall try to be as objective as possible in this article. I've heard some bad rumors about the goblins, but having spend some time in Gadgetzan, I have to admit it: When it comes to serving a vastly superior race such as gnomes, that's where their skills really shine. In fact, the more I think of the trip, the more convinced I am that goblins were invented for the sole reason of serving our every whim. At least that gives them a purpose. Maybe when they realize that, they'll stop messing with their ridicules engineering and leave that to the gnomes.

In either case, when I came to Gadgetzan, I was a bit doubtful. I had heard some good things about it, sure, but really, a city made by goblins? Like I said, I'm objective in this article and not going to let ridicules prejudices interfere. The average ant farm would have smarter employees.

I got myself a bed in the inn. It looked miserable, to say the least. Apparently, as the epitome of Goblin thinking, they had chosen to combine it with a butcher's shop. Large chunks of raw meat were thrown all over the place, and I was barely able to make it to my bed without tripping on some raw liver. When I finally got there, though, the bed seemed nice enough. The stench wasn't as bad in the dark corner as the rest of the place, and I managed to unpack my stuff without throwing up. An impressive feat considering how many goblins I'd seen that day.

As I left the inn, I made sure to attach some extra locks I'd brought from home to my luggage. I'd recommend all future visitors to do the same. Making my way through the piles of meat, I made it outside. The desert sun seemed determined to make me sweat, and my body complied. It quickly dawned to me that I needed something to drink if I wanted any hope of not dissolving. As a mage, I could just conjure something, but since this is a review, I decided to go visit the local vendors. Gadgetzan sells the average drinks. Cold milk, moon berry juice, that sort of stuff. Nothing too fancy. The prices are all fairly average too, although I usually get a ten percent discount in alliance cities on account on my being ever so handsome.

The first attraction I visited was the wonderful beach near Steamwheedle Port. Although the port itself is rarely visited,

the beach is one of the best in Azeroth. There are palm trees providing a bit of shadow if the sun is getting to you. Clear water, clean sand, it all serves to make this beach one of the greatest. However, it is rather crowded with turtles. While these usually don't mind visitors, they will not hesitate to hit you, kill you and eat you if you poke them too much. Another problem is that they don't pay much attention to where they go. I fell asleep on the beach and woke up with one of those giants on my stomach. Too heavy to move, I had to wait for hours until it decided to get off. This is just a minor set-back, though. Otherwise, except for the fact that you can't buy drinks there, Steamwheedle Port is a great place just a stone-throw from Gadgetzan.

Having acquired a tan, I returned to the small Goblin town. Evening was fast approaching and I decided to get some food, then go to sleep. The food section is where Gadgetzan really shines, and many a brave adventurer has fallen victim to the great cookings of Dirge Quikcleave. World famous for his "clamlette surprise", this cook is most certainly worth a visit. Not only is he by far the greatest chef there is, his prices are also more than fair. For only fifty silver, you can get a roasted quail with a glass of sweet nectar. If you're just there for a quick snack, he can sell you a haunch of meat for one twenty-five. However, I should warn you that he refuse to sell any food without meat. Therefore, if you're vegetarian, on a diet or recently lost a druid friend in the area, you might be better off bringing food from home.

I was carefully trying to keep myself awake. You can never be too careful around the goblins, and I didn't feel that getting killed would be the perfect way to end my vacation. Despite the odds, nobody tried to murder me that night. I figured that the goblins had been too stupid to figure out how to work a knife, and I wandered out of the city again. Time to visit the next attraction: The raceway in Shimmering Flats just north of Tanaris.

The Mirage Raceway has it all. Races takes place all day long, you can buy ice cream and drinks from local vendors, and a deranged wizard keeps threatening to turn you into a chicken. However, since nobody ever goes there, it quickly gets boring. Cheering on the gnome team just isn't fun when you're the only visitor. In fact, I felt rather silly sitting on the empty tribune, cheering for myself. The people who worked there also looked at me as if I had turned insane. The assumption of my

sudden downfall into lunacy just seemed most profitable to the goblins, however, and they kept bringing my drinks, hoping for my lunacy to bring them good tips.

A good tip to whoever considers working there: If you're trying to exploit crazy people into paying you more money than your goods are worth, don't tell them so. The line; "you crazy gnome, you too crazy not to pay big money, you stupid, crazy gnome you," rarely works. Also, if you're a gnome working there, don't assume that other gnomes don't speak Gnomish. I am perfectly aware that speaking in another language is a perfect way to hide your asides. However, I understood everything and left the sixth time somebody mentioned just how utterly insane I was.

Humans don't understand Gnomish, though, feel free to insult them.

Gadgetzan is also one of the many lovely places to house both Horde and Alliance. Whether or not this is a good idea, I will leave up to the reader to decide. However, I will mention that relaxing isn't easy when a rotting undead suddenly decides to sit down next to you. The inn only has a single table, and although it may be big, people seem to have a tendency to sit right next to each other. This is most likely because this is the only place to get fruit in all of Gadgetzan. A roasted pig usually comes with an orange in its mouth, and after a long vacation of constant scurvy, this orange can make your headache disappear for a few minutes. A very nice surprise.

As I left the place, most my bags were empty. The goblins stated that I'd emptied them myself into the river. When I informed them that there were no rivers in Tanaris, the one wearing my shirt shrugged and added a blue line on my map. Despite the fact that the line went through Gadgetzan itself, they guaranteed that it was a real river. In the corner, one was counting how much money was in the wallet it had stolen from me.

In conclusion, if you are to go there, don't. I came home broke with a bad case of scurvy. The beach had been the only good place to spend my time and as a result, my whole body was now bright red from the sun. It hurt to walk and I felt sick from all the food I'd eaten. My mechanostrider broke from my weight (and possibly the fact that the goblins had stolen screws from it.) On a scale from Goblin to Gnome, I give this place a Goblin. If you have to go there to adventure, do so, but don't spend too much time there.